Wednesday, October 6, 2010

If you want God to laugh ... tell him your plan.

Have I ever told you guys that there was almost only TWO of you?!?!?!?!  The concept of "just two" is so hard to grasp these days.  But yes, there was a time not too long ago when I felt I was done with the baby part of my life.  I knew nothing of marriage the first time around and had no business even getting married.  I thank God every day for the children he blessed me with and know that had it not been for those years, I would not have you.  There was a reason for that time.

So there I was.  Just you two and me.  And my work.  And I was DONE dating.  I really was.  Besides, who was going to want to date someone with 2 kids?  I'll be honest - I didn't even want to date.  What I wanted was to instantly find a wonderful man who would love you like I did - and who would love me... and who would sweep us away and we've live happily ever after.  Right... huh....   I told you guys I was a big dreamer.

God just laughed I guess.

About 2 months later, I set some new years resolutions for myself and got busy working on making them reality.  Men/Dating were still sworn off.  A routine visit to my OB confirmed that the life-threatening pre-eclampsia I experienced with you girls was likely to occur in any future pregnancies.  A tubal ligation was scheduled for January 11th.  I arranged for a couple days off from work, and continued with my week.  2 days later, on January 4th,  I met HIM!!!!!! 

Complete fate... totally by chance.  And while I insisted on only friendship (as did he) within three or four days this amazing stranger was attempting to talk me out of my surgery.  His reasoning was very logical.  He wanted children.  The two of us seemed to have hit it off and loved being around each other.  Not being able to have children was a deal breaker.  I could reschedule my surgery for anytime down the road if things didn't work out. 

The NORMAL me would have ran at the talk of having more children with a man I had just met a few days earlier.  The NORMAL me would have lost his phone number and never looked back!  The NORMAL me would have told him I was done having children and that I had a plan in place - and that HIS plan didn't look even remotely like my plan - so THERE.

I called and cancelled my surgery. .  And looking back, I am so very glad I did... but I don't understand why I did.  There isn't one single earthly reason that would lead me to do such a thing.  Which is why I know it was because of a heavenly reason this happened.  

I cancelled my surgery and we *gasp* DATED!  About a week after this happened, as he kissed me goodbye in the livingroom of our old townhome, my subconscious blurted out "I LOVE YOU".  I joke with him all of the time that it was in fact HIM, that said these words first - but we both know that just short of 2 weeks into our friendship/relationship, I was the one who said those incredibly scary words.  I pulled back and covered my mouth and apologized several times just half a second after I said them... but they were out.  And I felt it.  I felt that I loved him.  Just as much as I do right now. 

So we fell in love.  We danced around the "couple-dom" status for a few months, and jumped in head first.  We had many ups and downs this first year.  Boy oh boy did we ever! We both wanted the same end to our story - but the pages in between chapter 1 and "Happily Ever After" had MANY different words on them.  

We decided to wait to have a family, and in January of 2006 I made my way back to my OB to get an IUD put in.  A little FYI:  it hurt.  Not nearly as much as when they had to take it out 5 months later.  '

Why did I have to get it removed?   I was pregnant of course.  ;-)  

And today, 5 years and 3 more babies later I get sad if I think about living even one day without any of you.  And I wouldn't change one second of it.  Not ever.  God had such a different plan than I did - and I think his turned out so much better than my plan would have.  Don't ya think?  It's funny...  maybe I should trust in Him more, huh!

I love you all today more than yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow. 


Mom, Me, Yours


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