It's a mom thing...

I'm wondering if I'm alone in this...   After a night of little sleep, somewhere around 4am-ish, I finally nod off.  At 7am you awaken to big kids moving around in the house but the baby (well, 1 yr old) is still quiet as a mouse.  You worry somethings wrong, but are so sleepy and tired that you have a conversation with yourself in your head that goes something like this:

Uh-oh... he's still quiet.  I wonder why. ***  Oh he's probably as tired as you are.  Go back to sleep. *** Maybe something is wrong.  I should check. *** You worry all the time.  Sleeeeeep.  You need it.  ***  Why isn't B getting up to check?  Is he still asleep to?  He slept ALL night! *** Something HAS to be wrong.  The baby never sleeps this late. ***  You always do this.  Nothing is ever wrong.  He's 1 now.  Sids is sooooooo  unlikely. ***  But what if... *** SLEEEEEEEPPPPP...

Anybody else argue with yourself?  And then ultimately get up to check on a sleeping baby (or 1 yr old) who WAS sleeping peacefully until he heard you open his door?

I just KNOW I can't be alone here!!!

Uh-Oh.

Ya know how you'll get some advice from someone and while you KNOW it's good advice, you think "Ah, that'll never happen to me."?  Have you ever had that happen?  Me too. 

And after the day I've had today, I'm gonna start actually FOLLOWING people's good advice a bit more often.   I'm also going to pass along the advice I myself didn't take.

DO NOT let your babies, toddlers, or small children near a fireplace.  Whether it's wood burning, gas burning, or you're burning your old teddy bears - it's NOT cool to let them near one when it's on.  In fact, it's so not cool that it's BURNING HOT. 

It's SO important to follow this advice because one minute you might be on your way out the door to start a meeting, and 30 seconds later you're holding your screaming childs hands under running water for 20 minutes.  Then a full day at a burn center to treat 2nd degree burns on the palms of their hands... which of course will be followed up by a 2nd appointment tomorrow.  Oh yeah, and 2 weeks of a 1 year old having his hands splinted and wrapped.  Yes - NO use of his poor little baby hands for 2 weeks. 

So.  Listen up.  And FOLLOW the good sound advice when  you hear it. 

Thank you.

 I don't think people say "Thank You" nearly enough.  Myself included. 

And sometimes - I think people don't realize there's a limit on how much time one has to say those words. 

You only have your "Forever".  Only so many minutes, hours, and days on earth.  And sure... it's not likely you or I will be missing from earth anytime in the next 24 hours - but life sure can turn on a dime. 

So - with that... 

THANK YOU. 

To my children.  What I've taught you dwarfs what you've taught me.  My life wouldn't be MY LIFE without any one of you.  I love our family because of you all - and am so incredibly blessed to have been entrusted by God to care for you as your Mom.  Thank you for all the laughs and the hugs - the slobbery baby kisses and the best hugs I've ever had.  Thank you all for the 2am feedings, the afternoon naps, the spit-up, and every single one of the million diaper changes I've spent with you.  Even today, knowing my last baby isn't a baby anymore and knowing I'll never need to buy another bottle, I'm sad that chapter is done.  It went too fast and I want it all back. 

THANK YOU.

To You.  I'm so thankful and happy to have found you.  I'm glad I stayed when I wasn't so sure.  Thank you for loving us ALL - for taking care of us all.  For being my Rock.  For being the head of our household.  Thank you for working hard, for letting me sleep in, for taking me out, for loving me and making me laugh even when I'm mad.  Thank you for rules & discipline for our children.  Thank you for keeping me warm every single night and for letting me have too many blankets on our bed.  I'm sorry I'm a freeze chicken.  Thank you for thanking me as often as you have.  I loved it and because of you, I know how important it really is to say those words.  Seriously... even when it's leftovers for the third night in a row - you always complimented dinner.  Wow.  Thank you for knowing the difference between a gift & a present - and for the life I have today.  Thank you for US. 

THANK YOU

To my family.  To those of you who have come to belong in my family.  I love you all and cannot wait to spend many hours with you in the coming days.  

This by no means covers everyone or everything - but it's my start.  I'm off to buy some Thank You cards today and will be writing in lots of them.

Who will you remember to thank today?   Who do you owe a thank you to from the past? 

 I love you guys so SO much today! 

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours

1st Haircuts

 

Is it weird that I'm a little bit sad we just cut off the hair he came into the world with?

First Boy ...  Last baby ...  First haircut ...  Last first haircut

So many things starting and ending lately.

I think it's always been like that - but I've just started paying attention.  

Just think of all the times we've all spent with one another just getting haircuts... how much fun we had looking through the books... trying to find a new look.  I hope that however you girls (and you too baby boy) choose to look on the outside - that you remember to keep whats inside of you the MOST beautiful.   

Can't wait until the next "Haircut Day" - and hope someday you realize so much more than just haircuts were taking place those days!

I love you all - short haired and long!

Mom, Me, Yours

My lesson from God.

I have recently undergone some pretty significant life changes, and while I have no idea where my life will be a year from now I feel God has given me a glimpse of the plan he has for me.  A week ago, I started writing this blog for my kids to read at some point down the road.  I'm hoping it's a LONG way down the road but nonetheless I feel more sure than ever before about life itself being one giant learning experience - and how God has intended it to be that way.

Having had many children, and having found someone to share my life with have been the two biggest blessings throughout my years.  Each of those blessings have taught me so many lessons themselves.   The most important lecture I've gotten from God has been really recent:  Live life.   I haven't always done that throughout many of my mid-thirty-something-ish years...

It's really that simple, but it's not very easy.  I've forgotten to live life so many times, and I'm sure everyone else has too.  I forget often on Mondays when the whole week is staring me down.  There's too much on my plate those days to take a few minutes just to live.  Mostly weekends is what I've always saved for living... but then dishes and laundry and a bedroom that seems to be the catch-all for anything and everything needs to be cleaned.  I peek into any of the kids bedrooms and drop what I'm doing to lecture THEM on the importance of cleanliness... and another project takes precedence over living. 

The baby stage passed last month with the celebration of a 1st birthday... and I have just 6 months before the teenage years (and HORMONES) invade our home.  Add to that several stages scattered between those, and life is "happening" all around within our walls.   I just hadn't bothered to take any time to live it myself. 

So I stopped.  Well, more correctly, God made me stop.  Should I say he allowed for me to stop?  I think that sums it up much more accurately.  He allowed for me to pause here and to LIVE in what is happening around me.  I can't control so many things - and as a Mom, that is my initial instinct.  I want to handle this.  I want to schedule this.  I want to plan for next week and for two weeks later.  But I can't.  It's funny because even before, I never could.  None of us can.  We lull ourselves into such a false comfort zone where we feel we're in control - and we believe we can schedule time for later to do those things we want.  We can LIVE later on.  Work now.

And, well... it's not like that.  Boy was I wrong. 

So - to anyone listening - and especially to those of you I am writing this for - please LIVE today.  Years (I hope) down the road, when you kids read this, I hope you Live.  I hope you realize how easily life can turn on a dime.  I hope you enjoy the moments you are alone - and enjoy - TRULY enjoy the moments after your children are born.  I hope you awaken to nurse them at 2am and truly know how quickly that time will pass.  I hope you feel - and I hope you learn & grow from those feelings.  I hope you know that you are on Gods plan - and only He knows your days. 

I love you all so much today!  My heart is full for you!

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours

If you want God to laugh ... tell him your plan.

Have I ever told you guys that there was almost only TWO of you?!?!?!?!  The concept of "just two" is so hard to grasp these days.  But yes, there was a time not too long ago when I felt I was done with the baby part of my life.  I knew nothing of marriage the first time around and had no business even getting married.  I thank God every day for the children he blessed me with and know that had it not been for those years, I would not have you.  There was a reason for that time.

So there I was.  Just you two and me.  And my work.  And I was DONE dating.  I really was.  Besides, who was going to want to date someone with 2 kids?  I'll be honest - I didn't even want to date.  What I wanted was to instantly find a wonderful man who would love you like I did - and who would love me... and who would sweep us away and we've live happily ever after.  Right... huh....   I told you guys I was a big dreamer.

God just laughed I guess.

About 2 months later, I set some new years resolutions for myself and got busy working on making them reality.  Men/Dating were still sworn off.  A routine visit to my OB confirmed that the life-threatening pre-eclampsia I experienced with you girls was likely to occur in any future pregnancies.  A tubal ligation was scheduled for January 11th.  I arranged for a couple days off from work, and continued with my week.  2 days later, on January 4th,  I met HIM!!!!!! 

Complete fate... totally by chance.  And while I insisted on only friendship (as did he) within three or four days this amazing stranger was attempting to talk me out of my surgery.  His reasoning was very logical.  He wanted children.  The two of us seemed to have hit it off and loved being around each other.  Not being able to have children was a deal breaker.  I could reschedule my surgery for anytime down the road if things didn't work out. 

The NORMAL me would have ran at the talk of having more children with a man I had just met a few days earlier.  The NORMAL me would have lost his phone number and never looked back!  The NORMAL me would have told him I was done having children and that I had a plan in place - and that HIS plan didn't look even remotely like my plan - so THERE.

I called and cancelled my surgery. .  And looking back, I am so very glad I did... but I don't understand why I did.  There isn't one single earthly reason that would lead me to do such a thing.  Which is why I know it was because of a heavenly reason this happened.  

I cancelled my surgery and we *gasp* DATED!  About a week after this happened, as he kissed me goodbye in the livingroom of our old townhome, my subconscious blurted out "I LOVE YOU".  I joke with him all of the time that it was in fact HIM, that said these words first - but we both know that just short of 2 weeks into our friendship/relationship, I was the one who said those incredibly scary words.  I pulled back and covered my mouth and apologized several times just half a second after I said them... but they were out.  And I felt it.  I felt that I loved him.  Just as much as I do right now. 

So we fell in love.  We danced around the "couple-dom" status for a few months, and jumped in head first.  We had many ups and downs this first year.  Boy oh boy did we ever! We both wanted the same end to our story - but the pages in between chapter 1 and "Happily Ever After" had MANY different words on them.  

We decided to wait to have a family, and in January of 2006 I made my way back to my OB to get an IUD put in.  A little FYI:  it hurt.  Not nearly as much as when they had to take it out 5 months later.  '

Why did I have to get it removed?   I was pregnant of course.  ;-)  

And today, 5 years and 3 more babies later I get sad if I think about living even one day without any of you.  And I wouldn't change one second of it.  Not ever.  God had such a different plan than I did - and I think his turned out so much better than my plan would have.  Don't ya think?  It's funny...  maybe I should trust in Him more, huh!

I love you all today more than yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow. 

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours

 

Tis the season...

I want all of you to grow up with a love of all seasons.  You guys have so much to look forward to month after month... and God has such an amazing seasonal timeline - when you think about it, you really can see what I mean.

Springtime brings these wonderful shades of green.  Yes, there is green in summer, and even some in the fall -  but spring green is new.  It's vibrant, bright, brilliant at times.  There are the white raspberry blooms and the lilacs, and there will be so many of your very own favorites to add to my list.  Spring is the time for new beginnings - much like the new beginning that Easter itself celebrates. 

Summer should be a 3 month vacation for everyone.  I truly hope you all work hard enough to take summers off.  Yes... I'm a big dreamer... lol.  Seriously though - summers are lazy.  I've often joked that nobody should work during the summer... and that nobody really does work during the summer anyways.  It's lakes, pools, walks, flowers, weddings, and suntans.  All week long.  I hope some of you love the humidity like I do - to walk outside and feel your skin being wrapped in warm air.  I hope when you're adults, you sometimes sleep with the window open on those hottest nights and remember that I love nights like that so much.  It's the season to spend 3 hours and 2 beers mowing the lawn - and the season to spend an hour sitting on the lawnmower when finished admiring your work and dreaming.  Always be dreaming. 

Fall...  Fall is a time for preparation for the winter to come.  It's a time for chili, and bonfires and hot chocolate.  It's time to change your iced coffees for hot mochas - and wear sweatshirts everyday.  In the fall, I like to get a months worth of groceries and stock up on everything we might need - so I don't have to spend any extra time at the store.  In fact, I don't care much for shopping at all anymore.  It just takes up time.  Fall is leaves, and cornstalks, and hay bales, and pumpkins.  It's the start of the most amazing season of all.... 

Christmas.  None of you expected me to write "winter", did you?  I thought not.  Christmas is November 1st through the first week of January.  It's family.  And Family is those who love you.  And love is wanting peace, health, comfort, joy, family, and happiness for you.  Love is wanting what's best for you.  And Christmas is the season we celebrate the love we share for each other just as God shared what he loved most of all with us.  I hope you are all blessed to share your homes with all your family during this season.  I hope you all have unexpected guests throughout this season... unplanned family dinners... nights spent with your family just being together.  And speaking of Christmas - you all need to remember that a gift is something you want to share with someone - something YOU want a person to have.  A present is something they want for themselves.  Gifts are so much nicer. 

January & February are extra months God gave us to prepare for the rest of the year.  I specifically use January to Christmas shop for the following Christmas season.   :-)  Just how I roll.... lol

And that is what I hope you take from me in regard to the seasons. 

I love you all through all the seasons and hope to have a hundred MORE seasons spent with all of us together!  I'm sorry I have to work so hard right now, but so much needs to be put in place to take care of you all.  I think it will be better this way - and know there will come a time soon when I get to be home with you so much more often.  And for that reason - I can't wait!!

I love you!

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours. 

Who Am I?

If I answer this question based on my daily timeline - I am as follows...

5:30am - 9:00am  - I'm mom.

9:00am - 1pm - I'm the business owner, the receptionist, the bookkeeper, a patient, a student, and a manager.

1pm-4pm  -  I'm mostly a student, occasionally a patient, although sometimes (always?) (never?) the person in charge. 

4pm-8pm - I'm the manager.  Except for Fridays & Saturdays.  Then I'm MOM!   I'm YOURS!    I'm ME!  I love Fridays & Saturdays!

8:00pm - 11:00 pm =  I'm Mom a lot.  I love that.  I'm Yours as well when you're home.  I'm hardly ever a patient, never a manager, but always the person in charge of that place...

I'm an avid reader that hasn't read anything other than a textbook in months.  A student finally going back to college after many years.  I'm a self taught musician (and I'm pretty darn good too!)... As of late, I've been a patient as well but that's still not a big enough part of me to take up more than a sentence here or there.  I'm a mom who struggles at times - I'm half of the most incredible relationship I've ever had in my life.  Have any of you ever loved someone so much that the mere thought of not being with them brings you to tears?  Seriously... when I think about a time when he's not with me anymore, I'm as sad now as I believe I will be then.  Tears rolling down my cheeks as I sit here right now.  And Oh BOY... that's not to say we had perfection from the beginning - or that it's perfect now for that matter.  It's just right.  It's us.  It's our family. 

I love anything country - anything crafty... anything old.  I love LOVE, and ROMANCE, and LAUGHTER.  My biggest fear is something happening to any of my children.  While I believe in God and my faith is strong, I do not think it's strong enough to carry me through the loss of a child of mine. 

On that note - I'm also tired.  It's time to recharge my batteries so I can get up early and do the hair of two amazing little girls tomorrow morning.  I love you all - with all my heart - and all my soul.  I do not know of a life without you - or know how heaven can be happy if you're not there by my side.  You make earth THAT incredible - that I'd chose it over heaven today. 

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours. 

An empty notebook

There is something about sitting down with a pen and an empty notebook and I guess I feel excited in the same way about my new blog!  Will I post pictures?  Write poems?  Journal?  Share recipes?  Should I pick one topic or let my mind wander?  Should I boldly blog where no blogger has gone before?

Yes, I think.  Yes to everything.  (Oh yeah - there I go.  Right off the bat, and I'm saying YES to everything.  Typical me.)

Every life is full of those "Be Quiet or Someone Will Hear" moments.  One would think that at the age of mid-thirty-something, I wouldn't feel the need to be so reserved.  But, I have.  Through our very strained relationship, I still worry what my mom thinks.  Even though I haven't talked to her in awhile over a year, I have these long conversations with her in my head each time I do something I know she wouldn't approve of.  Strange, huh. 

Growing older has changed me in so many ways.  Do you feel the same?  Am I the only person out there who gets bolder and braver with each passing birthday?  And why is it like this now?  Do I care less what other people think, and just speak my mind...  or do I know so much more that I finally have something important to say?

So I sit here with my figurative empty notebook, my cup of 1/2 hot chocolate - 1/2 coffee, and so many words.  Lessons, stories, laughs, feelings, fears, and values.  I hope those that take a minute to read come back for a few more - and I hope those that I'm writing for know how much I truly love them - and can feel it in these words even years after I'm not here anymore.  I love all of you so much.  Never in my heart did I imagine that I'd have enough inside of me to love all of you this much.  But I do.

Have a wonderful day - and I hope you find a million little things to smile about as you fall asleep tonight.

Love,

Mom, Me, Yours.